Something is in the air these days, and it might be love, depending
on perspective. As North American society continues to move away from
the conservative and effete values that many of our grandparents grew up
with, a new culture of dating and courting partners has blossomed into
being. Far from the very rigid way in which couples used to meet and
forge relationships together, today’s cultural paradigm with regard to
relationships is far more fluid, as people are dating more, sleeping
with more people, marrying later in life, and divorcing much more
frequently . Pointing to the new paradigm of courtship, or lack thereof,
amongst youth, some commentators have called it a “hook-up” culture.
Indeed, people boast about their sexual conquests more than ever, rather
than gush about their very special relationship with their very special
someone.
At the same time, the rise of the internet and all its ramifications
have fundamentally changed the way people interact on a day-to-day
basis, and this holds true in a courtship scenario. Social media has
made it easier to find prospective partners, and thanks to sites and
apps like Skype, long distance relationships can actually work. For
those who believe in the theory that certain people are meant for each
other by destiny, this expansion of our networking capacity seems to, in
theory, enable them to find their soul mate.
In reality, however, today’s increasingly liberal values, coupled
with the social-media-enabled titanic mass of potential partners, have
left a great deal of people floundering. Whether maladjusted to romantic
relationships—a potentially harmful corollary of the aforementioned
“hook-up” culture—or continuing to bounce from partner to partner in
hopes of finding their soul mate, people are dating more than ever,
trying to find someone whom they love and with whom they can grow.
Paradoxically, this change in the way people court each other has left
people grasping blindly in the dark more than it has increased their
chances of finding the perfect match. But everyone deserves their
someone, whether it’s that person who completely understands your
musical tastes—you know, the person who gets why you’re still listening
to Cole Porter in the twenty-first century—or who balances your
idiosyncrasies with their own bizarre yet lovable ones, or who shares
your unique sense of humour.
The following list will hopefully help out forlorn and despairing
individuals looking unsuccessfully for love. It lists 8 types of
potential partners you should stay away from. Have any to add? Let us
know in the comment section. Be safe and, as always, respectful.
8. The Gossiper
It is an eternal truth that human beings are prone to gossip. It can
be a tough thing to control at times, since people in the same social
circle will undoubtedly have things to say about their acquaintances.
Gossip can also breathe life into a stale conversation, giving
interlocutors something spicy and appetizing to discuss. However, lines
have to be drawn, and too much gossip is harmful and socially corrosive.
The gossiper is someone who gossips excessively, always finding ways
to bring conversations back to the other people’s lives and the
scandalous stuff going on in said lives. For several reasons, this is a
type of person that should be avoided. First, it is not a good sign for
the longevity of a potential relationship when the partner in question
excessively gossips. Partners in a relationship should help each other
grow and expand their respective horizons, not narrow themselves down to
their social circle’s version of Dr. Phil. Second, and this point
attaches closely to the first, excessive gossiping is a sign of
someone’s vapidity. Yes, gossip is inevitable, but can this person in
question not discuss other interests like books and films, or other
issues like local and world politics? Someone courting a gossiper must
ask themselves a couple of questions: “Are our conversations always
going to be like this?” “Will this person every care about anything
outside their narrow life?” If the answers are troubling, the gossiper
must be jilted before it’s too late.
7. The Comparer
Some people like to be told that they are better than the last; it can
really boost one’s ego. However, when someone has a penchant for making
comparisons between their current love interest and their past partners,
it is a sign that said someone lives in the past and probably has
turbulent or unrequited feelings towards a past lover. A new
relationship should be a clean slate for both parties, and no one wants
to feel like they are occupying a portion of their partner’s mind, while
a past love is occupying another.
6. The “Over-Complimentor”
Everyone likes to be complimented, especially by their prospective
partner in a relationship. However, “Over-Complimentors” are those who
pay their love interests an excessive amount of compliments. After a
ceaseless onslaught, the compliments become vacuous, as no one is
perfect or so good at everything. To work, relationships need to be
about give and take, push and pull. If someone can only compliment their
prospective partner, what will happen when real contention arises
during the relationship? Indeed, the Over-Complimentor shows
unwillingness to see or acknowledge who their counterpart really is, and
this is no way to start a solid relationship.
5. The Social Media Junkie
As mentioned, social media has become scarily ubiquitous today,
changing the ways in which and the speed at which we interact with each
other. A potential partner’s connection to social media is inevitable
and impossible to prevent. If, however, said potential partner is one of
those junkies who constantly checks their Facebook, is keen on
documenting their lives through Instagram, and audaciously updates their
twitter during what was supposed to be a romantic dinner, they are
probably not relationship material. The social media junkie somewhat
aligns with the gossiper, since the two cannot seem to direct their
attention away from the narrowness of their lives. Social media can
beget myopia, and myopia is a sign of someone who has little depth.
Avoid!
4. The Critic
Romantic relationships are nice in that they allow both parties to
grow positively through constructive criticism. A relationship without
criticism is probably not real or not going to last long, as someone is
clearly holding a good deal back; the pressure of holding things back
will inevitably become too great of a burden and lead to a horrible
fight.
However, if a prospective partner is too critical and shows no
interest in letting their counterpart be their natural self, then this
person should be romantically avoided. Much has been said in this
article so far about people growing and progressing through
relationships, but that cannot be overstated. Partners in romantic
relationships should and will change each other, but each should help
their counterpart be the best they can be. Rampant criticism does not
achieve that.
3. The Romantic
Every relationship needs a good deal of romance, without which the
relationship would probably not succeed. Couples have their own
standards for romance, so the whole topic of romance is inherently and
immutably subjective. However, during a courtship, in which the solid
relationship has not yet come into fruition, a potential partner’s
penchant for exceeding amounts of romance should raise warning flags.
What this list calls “The Romantic” is someone who is overly
romantic, puts situations and people on dangerous pedestals, and lives
in a fantasy world of ideals and perfect this and perfect that. Although
probably passionate and likeable, this type of person is not the best
relationship material. The worst thing one can do is put their love
interest on a pedestal or, for their counterpart’s benefit, paint
idyllic future scenarios full of whimsy, serenity, and torrid
lovemaking. Real relationships don’t operate in pastoral fantasy lands.
Indeed, the only way to go from these mammoth heights is down. And after
the horrible downward nosedive, what is there left to salvage? The
illusion is broken and the fantasy is dead. Thus, these hyper romantics
should be avoided.
2. The “Do-Gooder”
At first glance, this pick might be surprising, and the label might
be an imperfect one. The “Do-Gooder” is not someone who does nice things
for people and makes the world a better place, as those can only be
endearing and lovable aspects of person’s character. Rather, the
“Do-Gooder” is someone who either talks exceedingly or boasts about the
nice things they do for people, and likes to tell their counterpart that
acts of generosity are naturally part of their character. If a
potential partner talks like this, run for the hills and don’t look
back.
This type of person should be avoided because their need make other
people aware of their goodness or graciousness points to an underlying
narcissism that motivates their actions. With regard to someone who does
a great deal of nice, generous things, it is of course tough
distinguishing narcissism from selflessness. But when this person talks
ceaselessly of their desire to do benevolent things for people, their
love of giving some of themselves to other people, their unabashed
enjoyment of putting smiles on other people’s faces, the narcissism
becomes easier to winnow out. Indeed, an act of generosity should be an
end in and of itself; it should be natural or at least an honest effort.
The Do-Gooder, however, adduces a persona of selflessness—a construct,
if you will. Paradoxically, this attempt by the Do-Gooder to come off as
overly nice is anything but selfless.
1. The Picky Eater
Most people have their own unique set of food aversions, especially
in North America, where, for instance, people abide to rigid rules of
what parts of the animal are edible and what are not. Trying to cure
someone of their food aversions is not an easy task and probably won’t
endear you to that person. Showing little respect for someone’s diet,
especially if it’s the result of a religious or personal injunction, is
probably one of the most insensitive and crass things you could do.
There is of course a big difference between food prohibitions for a
noble reason and food aversions for inexplicable and craven reasons.
Indeed, like the gossiper, a line must be drawn.
If a potential partner constantly limits dining options because of
their silly food aversions or refusals to try new food, warning flags
should rise. This type of potential partner should be avoided because
their picky eating suggests an overall resistance to stepping outside
their comfort zone, something that is almost always required in
relationships, which force people to compromise, change, and grow. Much
like the gossiper, picky eaters are probably incapable of seriously
expanding their horizons, and this should scare off anyone looking for a
dynamic relationship. Great romantic relationships are beautiful
because they’re uncertain and scary, yet heady and invigorating, but how
can one step into those unchartered waters of romance with someone who
refuses to try a piece of squid just because? Of course, some couples
share each other’s food aversions—in that case, carry on!
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